did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
