Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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