I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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