I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
