I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
