Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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