I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize