Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
