Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You can't motorboat a personality
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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