I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize