weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize