every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
