Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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