remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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