Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Life is so much better after having sex.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
