omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
