You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
