Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
