I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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