No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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