are you still at the devil's house?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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