If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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