another moral hangover. fuck.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize