wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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