.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
