I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
