wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i believe in u and ur pee
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