Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize