weddingsv make me drug and hornr
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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