great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
