o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
