hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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