peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
