There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
