How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
