Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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