She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
