oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
