I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
