I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
