I am puke
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
