And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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