I could make wine with my vomit
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
