the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
