But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
