I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
