The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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