never play flip cup with pint glasses
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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