Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
