I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
