The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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