She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
