This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
