i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
