he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Enjoy the penises
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
