And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
