this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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