My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
