Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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