did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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