Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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