Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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