Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
