Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
