my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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