It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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