Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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