He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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