i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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