Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
